I am amazed how a blog by someone I have never met has changed my view on life. Life is about the here and now, not the tomorrow or next year. Tomorrow we could be gone and what would I have to show for it, completed laundry washed dishes or beautiful memories with my Connor, Liam and Reilly. Today is my birthday, a year older, and I am completely thankful for the friends I have. I am amazed that they would take time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday. Not because I don't think they would or should but because such a small thing has brought such a smile to my face and to my heart. The past two weeks have been eye opening. I no longer take for granted the time I have with my boys. I get to know them and play with them and just love them with all my might.
This blog has also reinforced my faith that was struggling. I have prayed just about every night for the last two weeks thanking God for this day he gave me with my boys and family and asking that he might be so generous tomorrow. I ask him to watch over an 8 month old baby who went with him too soon but has created this change in me. I ask him to watch over this baby's family that their pain may ease and they find peace. I ask him to watch over my parents, my siblings, Shawn, my children, Shawn Bryant, my in-laws etc. I have never believed more that things happen for a reason. I wait patiently to be able to order a necklace that some proceeds will go to a benefit in the name of the 8 month old. This will not only keep this child forever in my thoughts but also remind me daily to take nothing for granted and to be strong in my faith.
Today I celebrate another year of being a daughter, sister, friend, wife and mother. I feel so full of love and of life, thank you for that.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Today July 17, 11
Wow it has been a long time since I posted anything. Life has been a bit busy. Shawn and I are still separated and still splitting time with the boys. It will be a year in two months and 2 days...cannot believe this as it does not seem that long, at least for me. Sometimes I get excited thinking about reuniting our family, then there are those days where I am glad that we are not back together yet. Honestly, I like living alone (the only adult). The house is set up the way I want it, I don't have to compromise about anything and the only stress at home is when the boys are not listening.
Once there is reunification things will change dramatically I feel. There will need to be something set up where we alternate getting up with the boys on the weekends...if the responsiblity remains solely mine I will get a bit pissy because that is how is was before. I know right now I am a bit pissy because I am hormonal...maybe some ice cream will help...I have no real reason to be except that I did not get much sleep last night and my monthly visitor will be arriving in a couple of days.
Yesterday was Shawn's mom's birthday and today they are going to eat chinease food (a tradition). Shawn stated that I was invited to go if I would like but I am just not ready for that. I honestly have enjoyed not having the stress of dealing with all that. Shawn has told me a few months ago that his mom would talk shit about me and I don't care but I also have chosen to stay away from people who are like that. I don't need nor want someone to be nice to my face and when I am gone turn around and be shitty. Life is too short to deal with that and I choose not to. Even my dad who is extremely protective and honestly does have a right in a way to be critical of Shawn (due to what I have been through) does not talk shit about him. At the very begining of being separated dad did, but he has heard the good things that Shawn has been doing and turning his life around and no longer does he say things.
Anyways I am sure in a few days I will be in a much better mood but right now BLAH!! The boys are well. Reilly is cutting his second tooth so he is a bit fussy. Liam is potty training and doing a great job, I am so proud and so excited to hopefully soon only be purchasing diapers for Reilly. The boys are growing up. In the Fall Connor will attend Kindergarden and next year pre-school for Liam. I am so lucky to have my beautiful boys, though they drive me mad some days ;-) Off to relax and prepare to go back to work tomorrow...it was a productive vacation just wish it was a bit longer!
Once there is reunification things will change dramatically I feel. There will need to be something set up where we alternate getting up with the boys on the weekends...if the responsiblity remains solely mine I will get a bit pissy because that is how is was before. I know right now I am a bit pissy because I am hormonal...maybe some ice cream will help...I have no real reason to be except that I did not get much sleep last night and my monthly visitor will be arriving in a couple of days.
Yesterday was Shawn's mom's birthday and today they are going to eat chinease food (a tradition). Shawn stated that I was invited to go if I would like but I am just not ready for that. I honestly have enjoyed not having the stress of dealing with all that. Shawn has told me a few months ago that his mom would talk shit about me and I don't care but I also have chosen to stay away from people who are like that. I don't need nor want someone to be nice to my face and when I am gone turn around and be shitty. Life is too short to deal with that and I choose not to. Even my dad who is extremely protective and honestly does have a right in a way to be critical of Shawn (due to what I have been through) does not talk shit about him. At the very begining of being separated dad did, but he has heard the good things that Shawn has been doing and turning his life around and no longer does he say things.
Anyways I am sure in a few days I will be in a much better mood but right now BLAH!! The boys are well. Reilly is cutting his second tooth so he is a bit fussy. Liam is potty training and doing a great job, I am so proud and so excited to hopefully soon only be purchasing diapers for Reilly. The boys are growing up. In the Fall Connor will attend Kindergarden and next year pre-school for Liam. I am so lucky to have my beautiful boys, though they drive me mad some days ;-) Off to relax and prepare to go back to work tomorrow...it was a productive vacation just wish it was a bit longer!
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