Friday, December 10, 2010

Dec 10, 2010

Things so far have been going pretty well.  I have begun to embed myself in Al-Anon.  I have purchased my first book to read which has been very interesting and have attended my first open AA meeting.  Al-Anon encourages this so that I might be able to understand a bit more about alcoholism, hear the alcoholics story to try to obtain compassion for the alcoholic.  The story I heard last night just left me with only one thought, wow.  To hear someone say that they did not care what came in their way or who came in their way, nothing was going to keep them from their drink.  It overtook her mind and thoughts to the point of having no control over it.  So I wonder was this how it was with Shawn.  I know he drank to deal with and silence his mind and bury emotions. Drinking is the outward manifestation of alcoholism so rather than dealing with his emotions he would drink to silence them.  All the while knowing that he should not be doing this but not caring or maybe not even thinking about who it hurt.  There was one fella who mentioned that his mind does not work like other people's, Shawn has also mentioned something to this effect.  I wonder what it is in the brain that is not working like everyone else's?  I need to research...

So this has been a very interesting start to my journey with Al-Anon.  I love the people there and I can see how this can be a great support as I will see them 2-3 times per week plus at this time speak with my sponsor everyday.  I am excited to work the same steps as an AA and to take inventory of myself.  See what part I may have played great or small and learn to relate to Shawn or any AA in a more positive way.

I have the boys this weekend, it will be nice to have them home.  Shawn will likely take the other two for sleigh rides maybe tomorrow??  I need to get some more craft stuff so that we can do crafty things when they are here instead of just watching movies and whatnot.  There is a holiday deal at the OKC downtown library this Sunday and I would love to take them to it but it is downtown OKC and having Connor and Liam loose kinda freaks me out a little.  It sucks because I want to be able to take them to do stuff like that but if it were in Norman or Noble then I would have no problem but in OKC it just scares me to think about taking them up there as there will surely be a lot of people (as it is a free event) and I feel ill equipped to handle them within a large crowd...I would take the stroller but if there are a lot of people then it will be difficult to maneuver it around (I noticed this when I took Connor and Liam to the weather center in Norman and had the stroller and I figure the library deal will be similar).  Anyways so far so good and I pray that this continues.  

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