Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Nov 23rd

So today was not all that bad.  Tired as hell but Reilly was up a lot last night.  So tonight I sit here and wonder what is the point?  Meaning I sent Shawn an email asking what time we are meeting tomorrow to get the boys to him as our new schedule starts now.  He emailed back that morning would be okay he guesses, then on my way home he called (though did not hear it) and leaves a message.  On the message he asks if we can meet at noon instead as he has to get up early to get some things done that he does not have time to do during the week as he works...my first thought was, isn't there a weekend in there somewhere?  Now I know that he helps his parents with a lot of stuff and maybe that is why he could not get some of the stuff he needs to do done over the weekend but just that comment in and of itself made me think...he does not sound any different, he may not be drinking but his attitude sounds the same...maybe he is just weirded out now that we can talk so he was trying to sound a certain way.  So I call him back prepared to leave a message but I end up talking to him...it was weird because he right away is like I just called to see if we can meet at noon instead...I am fine with this and tell him so, then I was like okay bye.  I guess the conversations may get less weird the more we talk but still I sit here and wonder what is the point.  I really think my zoloft is kicking in because yesterday and today I have really be like, lets just get this over with and quite delaying the inevitable...though I do not know for sure that we cannot work it out, part of me just really wants to deal with the heartbreak now and get on with it...of course that is likely the zoloft talking because I am currently in a state of not caring...feels good :)

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