Lord day 5 and 6?

This daily blogging thing is much more difficult than I initially thought.  Oh well its purpose is to vent, to work through feeling and thoughts.  Well today was an okay day, I was extremely tired this morning but perked up around the noon hour.  I have not been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks.  My doctor wrote me a prescription for something that should help me fall asleep but it did not keep me asleep so I would wake up and just toss and turn mind racing.  Yesterday she gave me some samples of medication for insomnia, last night I slept better but still was up a couple of times...I know it is all because of this divorce thing.  I still sit there and wonder if I am doing the right thing...then I get an email or read something he put on facebook and realize yes in fact I am doing the right thing.  Today he stated he does not want to be friends which I guess I would have been surprised if we would have been able to do that anyways, but he said that he does not think I am capable of turning around my selfish ways nor does he think that I want to...I really wish he could tell me how I am being selfish except for the fact that I am doing what is best for me (and honestly the boys) and for this relationship.  I then proceeded to write a word document titled "the reasons I left" and proceeded to tell him unfiltered exactly what I want to say to him every time he plays victim...I am sure this is a work in progress and will help greatly with my healing and I will have to fight myself to not send it after everything is final...even though if he took it seriously and could address those issues and see his greater part in this then he might be able to give the next girl a good life.  That though is not my problem to fix, I could not do that while we were together I sure as hell can not being apart.
It does take everything in me to not just lash out and spew all kinds of things at him, to tell him it is his fault that our relationship is going where it is going...if he could have controlled his temper, got over his resentments and became less selfish and self centered then we would have had a good chance...this is a lot and to be honest I would have had to do the same especially with the resentments, with the 6 years of drunken behavior 3am fights and constantly wondering if he was dead because of a car accident and towards the end praying he was...I don't know I just hope this is done quickly because the quicker we are done the quicker I can really relax and sleep...I am a total bitch when I don't get my sleep...